I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's Friday. Sex?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
