Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
