I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
