i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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