Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
