someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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