My sheets look like a crime scene.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
