thus making me awesome and them whores
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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