he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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