I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
operation have a gay friend backfired
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
