its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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