There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
