I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
