Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
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found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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