I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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