from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
