He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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