and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
