those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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