my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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