I heard we made out
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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