I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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