spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
