Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
