You're a womanizer and a bitch.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
