just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
They are going to name an STD after you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
