The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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