just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
No subtext here. People are naked.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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