i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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