Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
