You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
