Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
