i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize