The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
