Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
