Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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