also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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