hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Who wears a wallet chain?!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
