its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
