All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
