Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
