for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
ttyl tear gas
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
