Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
