Soap is not a condiment
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
