I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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