I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just gift wrapped bread.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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