soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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