Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize