hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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