My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
