first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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