All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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