I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
