He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
