yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
