When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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