at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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