I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
