Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
