he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
