I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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