Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
