Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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