Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize