Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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