so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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