i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
